how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt