the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.