So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.