dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days