One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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