I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
