We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
