Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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