a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
