Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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