so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
