dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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