I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
