Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
