doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
