She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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