I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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