She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
