That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
