I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
