I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
