i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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