I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Randomize
