Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
