Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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