3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found your dick twin last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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