If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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