I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
