Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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