dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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