dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize