I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
