You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
