I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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