Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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