I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
