i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
