I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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