got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
