They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
