I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
