You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
