At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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