pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
