if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
