Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
