I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize