Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
