How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
