see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
