So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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