hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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