i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
