he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
