I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
