there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
