YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
