just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
