How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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