I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
worst night to have a conscience
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
