4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
