Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
