just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
