He is such a slut. More and more my type.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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