....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
