I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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