I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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